Our Stories
We need members to submit their anonymous therapies for this page, please e-mail nsosec@gamanon.org.uk if you have a story which you are happy to appear on this page.
My Story
One night in July 2006 I practically bounced through the door filled with excitement as my husband had promised to take me to a restaurant I had wanted to go to for ages. I came down to earth with a bump when I found him in the lounge in floods of tears telling me that I was going to leave him because of what he had done. And so it was that I found out that my husband who I had been with for over 10 years had a gambling problem, that we had considerable debts and that he had been lying to me for years.
It was such a shock, but he was in such a state, talking about how he wanted to end it all, that I felt I had to comfort him, tell him that we could sort everything out and that I wasn’t going to leave. In desperation we found ourselves at our first GA and Gam-Anon meetings – both nervous and unsure what to expect. The truth is I only attended my first meeting because I wanted to make sure he went into the GA meeting, but actually I found that I needed a meeting as much as he did. You see I was completely full of resentment: for the money he had lost and what we could have done with it, for my time which was being taken up sorting out the mess, for the distraction from my work (I could barely think straight but I had to pretend everything was normal), for the lies I had to tell other people to cover up the situation, but mostly for the lies I had been told. When we started going to the meetings I was paranoid and neurotic, wondering where he was every minute he was out of my sight, phoning all the time and interrogating him when he got back.
Going to Gam-Anon meetings gave me the opportunity to talk things through with other people that truly understood what I had been through (everyone in the meeting has a compulsive gambler in their lives). The meetings help me to get things in perspective, to work out when the things I am worrying about are not important and when they are things that we genuinely need to sort out. After our meetings we are able to have rational discussions about issues which we otherwise might have skirted around or shouted about.
These days we both look forward to our meetings, after all the rooms we go to are filled with friends and however emotional the meetings are they are always good for us. There are still days where I feel a bit resentful over what he put us through, but mostly I feel lucky because GA is working for my husband. He is still, and will always be, a compulsive gambler, but our meetings have given us a normal life back and I am extremely grateful for that. (by a member of Bristol Gam-Anon)
Why I attend the group
The other week at our meeting a recent member asked the question, why do people attend the group meetings? I thought fast and then responded.
Over six years ago our family was hit with the absolute bombshell of compulsive gambling. Never had we felt so alone and powerless and lacking any understanding of what had just happened. Luckily we were able to search the Internet and find the details of the local group. We turned up on a freezing cold February night, the place was in darkness and we stood with the cold and the despair for an hour before we gave up and went back home. Back home we called a number and were told that there was a mistake and the meeting was the next night.....
So back we came and at least the place was open - we went into the room we were directed to and stood around feeling very awkward and waited for people to arrive. It seemed like ages - in reality around 10 minutes and another person arrived. He sat down with us and began to help us make sense of what we were going through....
As I say that was over six years ago, and aside from when I have been away from home due to work commitments, or a holiday I have only missed one meeting.
Had that one other person not been there that night we’d have been left in our own personal despair and who knows what the result would have been.
So my answer was I always want to be sure there will be someone there when a newcomer arrives needing help, advice, sympathy. The memory of that first night, shivering outside a dark building is burned in my consciousness. I want to be there to offer support and to keep a bargain agreement that just as someone was there for us that first night I will be there for others, and to know that others will be there for me whenever I need help and support again.
Over the years I have seen many people at meetings, at present our group is very strong - I hope it continues that way. Many people attend a meeting, get the information and are not seen again - we never know what has happened to them.
Its a small price to pay of a couple of hours once a week to feel you are part of a support group that can make such a difference to your own life and that of others. The strength of the support offered by Gam Anon is the group, its not an add on or an optional extra.......(by a member of Newcastle Gam-Anon)
You are not alone
I have only been going to Gam-Anon for a few weeks and it is already my life line. Feeling scared, lonely, afraid, ashamed and not knowing where to turn. I was advised to go to a Gam-anon meeting and don't know what I would have done if I hadn't have gone. I did have to build the courage to go and I'm not going to lie I was petrified. But being in a room with people who understand what you are going through, who don't judge you and can help you with their experience is so reasurring. They help you see light at the end of the tunnel. They are there to give you a shoulder to cry on (which is what I have done every week so far) and to listen to you and help you try to build yourself back up again. They offer sound advice and help you deal with the situation in a positive light. You exchange numbers and they support you through the week. It is so nice not to feel alone even if it is just for one night a week. To feel you can be yourself and not have to put a front on for the world. I think I would go insane if I didn't have Gam-Anon. If you are reading this now and are unsure what to do or where to turn the find your nearest Gam-Anon meeting and you will find help, support and friendship waiting for you there. You are not alone (however funny that sounds, its true!).